Starting with something ridiculous
Imagine it is Super Bowl Sunday. Maybe you don’t even like football, but you do enjoy going to the party and watching the shiny new commercials that cost companies millions. The first spots come on and a middle-aged gentleman in a dark suit appears on the screen, standing in front of desk; the words at the bottom identify him as the president of Chevrolet as he begins to speak:
Ladies and gentlemen, I am so depressed.
How could you all be such a bunch of disloyal, lying jerks!
Coming into our showrooms, taking a test drive and then telling the salesman that “you’ll think about it,” just admit it, you weren’t thinking about it. I wish you would just be honest.
It hasn’t been easy, you know. We’ve had a lot of problems these past few years. Our labor situation is a mess; gas prices have gone through the roof and it would have helped if we had started to innovate on high-mileage models a little sooner instead of trying to sell all those big trucks.
Frankly, our brand image could be better and foreign competition is getting tougher every year. Still, would a little loyalty kill you?
You are so superficial with your obsession with quality and performance and “coolness.” What’s so great about Toyota anyway? Are you trying to ruin the American car industry?
Are you trying to ruin America? Stop being jerks and try a little patriotism.
Buy a Chevy this year!
How many sales do you think this ad would make?
Do you care about the problems of a business trying to sell you anything?
Of course not. A car company would never try to sell their product this way. And if they did, you would probably ignore them.
Any successful business executive understands this simple lesson: people care about themselves. If a product or service doesn’t solve a problem, serve a need or fulfill a desire, folks aren’t buying it.
Welcome to The Enterprise or Romance, the blog that will teach you to run your personal life like an entrepreneur runs a company. My name is Sean Riley, and I will be your host.
Are you attracting or repelling?
Many women out there, who claim to be looking for a loving relationship with a man, sound just like the car executive in my fake Super Bowl ad. I see it on the internet, on TV and up close in real life. Everyday, men can hear women criticize and humiliate their current boyfriends and husbands. We can hear woman lament the horrible things that men have “done to them” in the past. We can hear woman complain about and berate men they haven’t even met yet.
Then we can listen to the ones that are still single say: “How come I can’t have a GOOD man in my life?”
Ladies, I can tell you one thing for sure. If you’re going to act like my clueless exec, then you are not going to get what you want from a man, whether you are married, in a relationship or still looking.
Seeing things from another point of view
Perhaps the top mistake I’ve seen many women make is to “project.” This is a term used in psychology that basically means assuming or imagining that another person sees a situation the same way you do or has the same emotions and/or motivations surrounding an action that you would. This is a recipe for disaster, confusion and frustration when dealing with men.
You don’t have to agree with how a man sees things, or even understand it very well. The important thing is that you deal with men as they are not as you would like them to be.
If a woman can keep much of her focus on what her partner or prospective partner believes is important, she will get most everything she wants. Or at least know when it is time to move on.
In The Enterprise of Romance, I will talk about business strategies that apply in all phases of a relationship. I’ll even bash on American car companies some more as we go, so you can avoid letting foreign competition take your market share the way GM, Chrysler and Ford have.
Pop Quiz
Evaluate the following personal ad. This entry was taken from the “women looking for men” section of the popular Internet classified ad site Craig’s List on Sept. 28, 2007. Only a few edits have been made for clarity. In your evaluation, answer the following questions:
1) Has the poster presented herself in a flattering light?
2) Does she seem interesting and fun to be with?
3) Is what she is asking for congruent with what she is offering?
4) Is a man suitable to her tastes likely to answer this ad?
TALL AND HANDSOME, I AM LOOKING FOR YOU, 40 Life is slowly passing me by without that friendship/long term relationship with you. I’m looking for a very well educated professional man (doctor, lawyer, engineer,, CEO etc) between the ages of 40 - 50. No smokers, drug abusers or heavy drinkers please. I have a professional career and would like someone with a professional career. I like nights out on the town, hanging out and to travel. Please let me know what you are looking for and a pic gets a pic. Honesty is the best policy. No drama or dishonesty please.
Okay, put down your pencils, pass your paper to your classmate behind you and grade the quiz.
Question #1: The answer is no. She really didn’t put herself in any light at all, as the only thing she said about herself is that she has a professional career, likes nights out, hanging out and travel. Who doesn’t like hanging out and traveling? Half credit for answering “unknown.”
Question #2: The answer again is no. She may be fun and interesting, but there is no way to tell from this ad. She is fairly demanding about what she is looking for in a man and doesn’t seem to think that a man of that caliber would need to be sold on her. That means she may be a little clueless. No credit for “unknown” this time.
Question #3: No. She is asking for a successful AND tall guy. She is offering, nothing that we can discern from this ad.
Question #4: Absolutely not. Why would an affluent, desirable man answer this ad when he could answer one from a woman who actually describes herself and seems funny and attractive. Lawyers, doctors and CEOs are busy, you know.
This particular ad isn’t even that bad. I picked it because it is rather typical. It is just astounding to me that someone, who is 40 year old, doesn’t seem to have any idea that the type of guy she wants may have choices in his love life. The ad shows an entitlement mentality, without even hinting that she understands what a man like that might want in a partner.
And there was a hint of something else too. She clearly believes that the most important thing that prospective suitors need to know about her is that she is a professional. I can tell you that his is dead wrong. A man wants to know how you look. We’ll get into this topic more in an upcoming article. Just understand that all of your great attributes will come into play, eventually. But if he isn’t physically attracted to you first, he isn’t worth your time. And knowing who you don’t want is at least as important as know who you do want.
By the way, Craig’s List and other free-form classified sites are a great window into the psychology of women and men. People usually write the ads quickly and there is no questions or forms to fill out. With no help in formulating or organizing the thought process, these ads can become a real psychological profile of the individual. So, enjoy!
Give me feedback!
The Enterprise of Romance is an interactive forum, so, ask me for some advice, tell me when you think I’m full of it or relate experiences that might be helpful to the rest of the community. While I have already outlined a dozen future columns on specific topics, I want my readership to play a big part. I’d like to have a regular feature answering questions and criticism.
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